{"id":3244,"date":"2011-09-28T11:40:39","date_gmt":"2011-09-28T19:40:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ramonchen.com\/?p=3244"},"modified":"2023-05-29T10:33:18","modified_gmt":"2023-05-29T18:33:18","slug":"hello-i%e2%80%99m-your-big-data-and-i-need-a-shrink","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ramonchen.com\/?p=3244","title":{"rendered":"Hello I\u2019m your Big Data and I need a Shrink!"},"content":{"rendered":"

The following conversation with your Big Data was recorded at the offices of Dr. D. Dupe M.D.<\/p>\n

Doctor:<\/em> \u201cPlease take a seat and tell me what brings you here today?\u201d<\/p>\n

Big Data:<\/em> \u201cThanks Doctor. Well, lately I\u2019ve been feeling depressed. As you can see, I\u2019m getting on in years. Certainly I\u2019m not the same data I used to be. When I was young, I was able to adapt and change with the world. Frequently updating and reinventing myself, which is one of the reasons my ex-girlfriend was attracted to me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Doctor:<\/em> \u201cTell me more about your ex-girlfriend.\u201d<\/p>\n

Big Data:<\/em> \u201cShe\u2019s a famous RDBMS, very energetic, well liked, but very high maintenance. Her job is to process and manage transactional data, that\u2019s how we met actually. We\u2019ve been together for years, but our relationship has been changing for a while. She rarely calls me, and when she does she only reminisces about the old times and our history together. Even though the relationship wasn\u2019t going anywhere, I was comfortable with the arrangement, until one day she broke it off.\u201d<\/p>\n

Doctor:<\/em> \u201cHow did she break up with you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Big Data:<\/em> \u201cShe told me that she chatted to her boss (and best friend), Margie Application and she said we rarely we see each other, how I never change, and apparently the last straw was that I was overweight and dragging her down. Taking up valuable space with all my junk. To top it off, I live in her apartment and her landlord, a nice guy Joe Storage, told her that the lease was just for one person and she wasn\u2019t allowed to have me stay there anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n

Doctor:<\/em> \u201cHow did you react?\u201d<\/p>\n

Big Data:<\/em> \u201cI got mad, said a few choice words, grabbed my stuff and stormed out! Then I calmed down and went to talk to Joe to see if I there was space in the building for me. Unfortunately, Joe Storage\u2019s building caters for young up and coming types. The rent is astronomical per sq. foot as you pay for the update facilities. It has fast elevators providing high-speed access with expensive security. I really couldn\u2019t afford to live there.\u201d<\/p>\n

Doctor:<\/em> \u201cYou mentioned your age earlier, do you think this is the main reason why she broke up with you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Big Data:<\/em> \u201cI did at first, because we had been together for so long. But a friend of mine recently experienced a similar issue. He\u2019s young, machine-generated and straight off the network but was also told that he takes up too much space, and since he too never changes, it was too expensive to keep him around.\u201d<\/p>\n

Doctor:<\/em> \u201cActually you are correct, this is becoming a common issue. Many of my patients are reporting the same symptoms that you and your friend are experiencing. Unfortunately, there are as many people offering different approaches to this problem and it can be confusing. Just like fad diets and late night TV commercials, it\u2019s important to be specific about your core needs, which if I could recap as follows:<\/p>\n